The largest bill we gave to the kids…..

Yesterdays post in English

A colleague of mine is waiting for her new apartment to get ready

…and in the mean time she stays a few nights here end a few nights there….

Its exhausting she says…

to be on the move all the time

I can easily understand…

to be moving is tiresome

not have all your belongings in one place is stressful

I have done it for a short period of time

and didnt like it at all!

BUT everything is doable for a short period

as long as you know its short term, you can easily deal with it…

And then I start thinking about my own 4 children

They experienced their parents getting a divorce at the ages of 7-9-12 and 14…

 

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We had shared custody of course

Thats what we wanted and that was what the children wanted..

One week at moms

and one week at dads..

I missed them so much the week when they weren’t at my place

so did their dad when they weren’t at his house

Our kids missed what ever parent they didnt stay with…

In addition maybe they missed their favorite sweater?

Their football gear that they had forgot to take with them

Their handball?

The bike?

Maybe they slept better in the bed at moms house?

Maybe all their friends were living where dad did?

They were constant moving throughout most of their upbringing..

«I hate Sundays» my daughter once said

Why?

Thats the day she had to pack for next days move…

A day that should be relaxing and free from stress

She had to pack and think of everything she needed for the next week..

We changed to 14 days each place after a while

but then the «missing each other» also got worse..

For all of us

So whats my point?

Could we have done something different?

Maybe….

But I dont know what….

Not get divorced?

No, that wasn’t an option…

Should we have kept their childhood home and let them stay there – and then we adults could move back and forth?

That would no doubt have been the most fair arrangement

But doable?

Over a time periode of 13 years?

I doubt it….

BUT

Our kids didnt suffer

We were friends

didnt fight

worked together to raise our kids the best way that we could

Didnt speak ill of each other

didnt put them in a loyalty conflict

at least not consciously

STILL

It is a price to pay

and it is the children that gets the largest bill

Maybe it isnt much we can do about that

But we should at least acknowledge what we do to them

Give them understanding for what they are going trough

And at least not add to their bill with fighting, loyalty conflicts and adult-shit!!

They DONT deserve that!!

My daughter once said to me…

When I was pretty upset…

Because for the third time that week…

I had to drive her to her dad to pick up something she had forgotten..

«It’s not me that have decided that I have to have 2 homes!!! So you just drive mom!! 

I nodded quietly, got into the car and drove her to pick up the things she just HAD to have..

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I Wish you all a wonderfully week

❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

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