Yesterdays post in English
A colleague of mine is waiting for her new apartment to get ready
…and in the mean time she stays a few nights here end a few nights there….
Its exhausting she says…
to be on the move all the time
I can easily understand…
to be moving is tiresome
not have all your belongings in one place is stressful
I have done it for a short period of time
and didnt like it at all!
BUT everything is doable for a short period
as long as you know its short term, you can easily deal with it…
And then I start thinking about my own 4 children
They experienced their parents getting a divorce at the ages of 7-9-12 and 14…
We had shared custody of course
Thats what we wanted and that was what the children wanted..
One week at moms
and one week at dads..
I missed them so much the week when they weren’t at my place
so did their dad when they weren’t at his house
Our kids missed what ever parent they didnt stay with…
In addition maybe they missed their favorite sweater?
Their football gear that they had forgot to take with them
Maybe they slept better in the bed at moms house?
Maybe all their friends were living where dad did?
They were constant moving throughout most of their upbringing..
«I hate Sundays» my daughter once said
Thats the day she had to pack for next days move…
A day that should be relaxing and free from stress
She had to pack and think of everything she needed for the next week..
We changed to 14 days each place after a while
but then the «missing each other» also got worse..
For all of us
So whats my point?
Could we have done something different?
But I dont know what….
Not get divorced?
No, that wasn’t an option…
Should we have kept their childhood home and let them stay there – and then we adults could move back and forth?
That would no doubt have been the most fair arrangement
Over a time periode of 13 years?
I doubt it….
Our kids didnt suffer
We were friends
worked together to raise our kids the best way that we could
Didnt speak ill of each other
didnt put them in a loyalty conflict
at least not consciously
It is a price to pay
and it is the children that gets the largest bill
Maybe it isnt much we can do about that
But we should at least acknowledge what we do to them
Give them understanding for what they are going trough
And at least not add to their bill with fighting, loyalty conflicts and adult-shit!!
They DONT deserve that!!
My daughter once said to me…
When I was pretty upset…
Because for the third time that week…
I had to drive her to her dad to pick up something she had forgotten..
«It’s not me that have decided that I have to have 2 homes!!! So you just drive mom!!
I nodded quietly, got into the car and drove her to pick up the things she just HAD to have..
I Wish you all a wonderfully week
❤ ❤ ❤