A «homo» that doesn’t work!

Todays post in English

I read a post the other day, about how children are affected by our prejudices….

BECAUSE WE ALL DO HAVE THEM!!

Children come into this world not knowing right from wrong…

not knowing what’s normal or not..

It is the people around them that tells them this

either their parents

older siblings

grandparents

teachers

daycare personnel

neighbours

aunts

uncles

or complete strangers that state their meanings on the street, in media or at the store..

We are ALL responsible for what we say and we should ALL be aware of the huge impact we have on children’s mindset…

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Here is an example of how different children thinks and perceives their surroundings compared to adults – this story is 13 years old:

My youngest daughter; Juni started school and was put in the same class as Simen who are adopted from Korea. Simen has a younger sister; Louise who is also adopted from the same country. I addition the parents has an biological daughter; Malene who is the oldest of the 3. We know the hole family because they live near by and Malene also is in the same class as my older daughter Sanne. One of the first day at school Juni comes home bursting with news!!:

«SIMEN IS ADOPTED!!!» she called out triumphantly…

I could almost read her thinking: «THAT is something you guys didn’t now!!!

I was a little perplex and answered; «but we all knew that already??»

«NO!!» She called out indignantly, «Nobody told me that!!»

«But cant you see that he looks different than you?» I replied carefully..

She just stared back at me looking like a question mark. I went on and explained that Simen and Louisa looked a little different than us because they had what we called an Asian look. And my daughter cut me off by shouting:

«IS LOUISE ALSO ADOPTED???»she stopped for a second or so and continued: «MALENE AS WELL???»

Again I tried to ask her if she couldn’t se the difference between Malene and the other siblings and of course she did!! Just like SHE didn’t look anything like her own brothers or sister!!

I was pretty surprized – because I was so sure that she already knew this – even though we might never have discussed it – at least I thought she would recognize the different looks…….at the same time it was so liberating to experience how little children care or notice differences – or the color of our skin…jumping i zanzibar

But back to the heading…

I see my self as an unprejudiced person – but not all prejudices is negative or badly intended..It is just a mistake that we do when we assume, prejugde or generalize before getting to know… it can be ment as a positive comment as well:

All African American has an awesome rhythmic sense… ( not always true I think)

Or in a negative:

All muslimes are terrorist ( far from true as well!)

It has been important to me that my children  doesn’t grow up to be prejudiced persons and I have always talked to them about being open and including. That it is allowed to not like someone if they treat you badly, but that it is not OK to not like someone justbecause they are different…

16406469_10154604782111773_7760852147718446127_nThe text in the picture; Marriage for everyone. Greatest of all is love.

When my oldest son came home at the age of 7 and asked me what a » fucking homo» was ( some older kids at school had called each other that, he said), I had to sit down and have a talk with him.

I explained that he could not use the word fuck, because it was a bad word and it didn’t belong together wit any other words.. And than I explained that a homo or a homosexual was to people of the same gender that fell in love. Either 2 men being boyfriends, living together/married or 2 woman.

My son who was at the age were all girls was the worst, said quickly;

«Than I am a homo, because I want to live with Anders ( his best friend at the time) when I grow up!»

«Yes, you can if you both want to when you grow up» I replied.

It didn’t turn out that way 🙂 It turned out to be a Caroline instead… 🙂

…..but I did get some bonus-children after a while and my step son turned out to be gay.. We had some funny episodes ( well they are funny retrospective – at that time it was serous enough) when he was younger. He would call my other son a homo when he was mad at him…. Of course he got in trouble for that. Non of my children were allowed to use homo as an insult word. He got a long speech were I told him that homosexuals and hetrosexuals were equals and that he should not use the word in an negative way…

When he as a 15 year old boy «came out » I was the first he told. When I asked him later why? He replied:

«You are the only one I know that has less prejudices against homosexuals than I do»

I was very moved and happy by his answer 🙂20170719_130429

But now I am approaching the core of this topic….because it turns out that I DO have prejudices as well..

I actually was supriced when I learned that he was gay…because I dint think he had any of the typical gay manner ( talk about generalizing..:(

……but my dear stepson didn’t seem to be the typical gay boy. He had no sense in fashion, his room looked like a flee marked ( he collected everything!! – at one time he had 7 typewriters…non of them worked…) and he wasn’t particularly interested in interior design or flowers for that matter….

YES I KNOW THIS IS VERY GENERALIZING – I AM TRYING TO RIDICULE MYE SELF..

And I have many homosexual friends that don’t fit this description as well.

But to be honest that is what I was thinking…

It was such a good lesson for me to see my self in a different light – and to realize that even if I try to be unprejudiced I do prejudge from time to time – not necessarily in a negative way – but still…

meg tegning tristSo I had to come off my high horse and admit that I do prejudge sometimes..

Luckily I do not take my self so serious that I can’t make jokes about myself – and it is quite al right that others do as well…..

 

My stepson know me so well  – so we always kid around….

I refer to him as cinderella and my self as the evil step mother….

And I use to say that with a homosexual son I would think he would be able to help me with decorating the house , fixing my hair or help me pick out outfits….. but NO:

Typical!!! We got our self a homo that doesn’t work 🙂

I HOPE I DONT OFFEND ANYBODY BY OUR INTERNAL JOKE – IT IS MORE ON ME THAN ON ANYBODY ELSE… – MY STEPSON DOESNT GET OFFENDEN BY IT AT ALL

PRIDE

I WISH YOUN ALL A WEDNESDAY FILLED WITH ANY KIND OF LOVE –

GREATEST OF ALL IS LOVE

❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

 

W

5 things that shouts: WEEKEND IS COMING UP!!

Todays post in English

1. El-sigarett charging

When my boyfriend and I first met – he was a heavy smoker! 😦

NOPE!! that won’t do I said!

Dealbreaker!

Being a nurse anasthetist, taking care of the airways is kind of my thing…

And also I refused to fall in love with someone who was slowly killing him self day by day… 😦

He was pretty much in love so he promised to quit… ❤ ❤ ❤

but I dont think he realized how determined, strong headed and demanding I can be… 🙂

I requested an end date, came up with a plan that I found on internet and in september that year we hit the point of no return!

The first year he smoked el-sigarettes, after all he had been smoking a lot! for many years! So just quitting the real cigarettes were more than enough! But he did it – he never cracked!!

When that year came to an end – I demanded progress and there were cutbacks month for month. Today he is only smoking el-sigarettes Friday and Saturday after 5 pm. and come fall there will be more cutbacks 🙂

So Thursday night there is a lot of charging going on…..

Someone is excited about the weekend 🙂

 

2.Freshly washed makeup brushes

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When the weekend approaches – of course my makeup brushes must be at their best!

There might be an invitation lurking around – maybe a party ?

or other occasions that requires a perfect mask!

ansiktsløftning - lets talk facelift

And lets face it….. the work doesn’t get any easier as the year goes by – so at least the equipment must be perfect!

Every little bit helps!

I hope….

 

3. My cool and sparkling girlfriend

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It is a bit easier to drag myself to work Friday morning – when I meet this lady for breakfast…

¨see you tonight» she whispers softly 🙂

chablis-solnedgang-og-skyer

4. My golf equipment freshly washed and ready

We dont always get the time to play golf during the week unfortunately…..

Even better it feels to wash and prepare the gear Thursday night,

book a tee-time in golf box and start dreaming about «that hole in one moment!»

golf redigert

5. Freshly washed – but NO!! not ironed linen

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As I have said earlier ironing is NOT my thing, but if you hang up the linen right after washing it – it gets pretty nice without ironing… 🙂

PROBLEM SOLVED! 🙂

Changing the linen Fridag morning gives promises of so much…:)

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I wish you all a wonderful weekend

❤ ❤ ❤

Lets talk about sex…..

NO; lets not I can almost hear my children shout 🙂  (to keep reading is optional )

A colleague  had misunderstood were to start reading my novel. I put out a new chapter 3 times a week and the last one is highlighted with blue color so that those who are waiting for the last chapter can easily find it. But if you haven’t read anything yet you should start at the top.

Well he jumped right in to a chapter with «hot housewife-sex» as he called it..

Poor guy, I am sure that was a bit abrupt start to my novel and maybe a bit more than he liked to read from a (bit older) female colleague… 🙂

But nurse are hot!! 🙂 At least a lot of men think so! This is a list I found telling what profession men finds the most sexy:

sykepleier

  1. Nurse (41%) 🙂
  2. Stewardess (20%)
  3. Farmer (10%)
  4. teacher (7%)
  5. Doctor, police and lawyer (5%)
  6. Carpenter (3%)
  7. Firefighter (2%)

 

 

It is not easy to talk about sex….

And it is not easy to write sex either….. Hard to get the feeling you like to give the reader down on paper; the excitement the lust….

kiss

I think that every book, movie or story should have a hot sex scene….

But how to convey such emotions without being to pornographic and vulgar??

I have read some books and seen some movies where it has been done brilliantly – but also where it has just been awkward and embarrassing….

supersex

So why is it awkward talking about sex?

Well the youth dosent seem to think so… There are both TV programs and sosial media that shows teens having no problem talking about almost everything….but I am not so sure that they are actually saying what they really mean? that they are getting something positiv out of all this openness or if they are playing a role??

But they do seem to have unlimited sex if you are to believe media – expressions like «fuck buddy» or «friends with benefits» did not exist when I was in my youth…. And I am not so sure that this is a good thing. Having in mind how insecure the youth is – both about their own body and appearance and the great need to fit in – one can imagine that they are in great danger of doing somethings that they will regret deeply later..

I remember my first sex experiences – I was way to young and sex was not good for me until years later. it was just something you had to do….. And to talk about what you actually liked and didn’t like? Awkward! NOT!!

Another thing that is worrying, is the digital world we now live in. There is snapchat, instagram, video on the cellphone. I heard a story about a young girl who was totally wasted at a party, giving a blowjob in the midle of the living room for everybody to see. Of course it ended up on the internet and she didn’t come to school for weeks.

It is of course illegal to put film of others out on net, but who will report it? And the movies that are already out there wont disappear.. Another thing is that the girl got a rumor for being slutty – the boy?? Not so much…. 😦

Rape is also a growing problem in the young community – what maybe a bit new is the excessive use of drugs. that can result in a boy raping a girl without realizing thats what he is doing….. She is to drugged to say yes or no, and he is to drugged to realize this…. Not an excuse but a big problem that has to be addressed among the kids.

It is important to mention that boys also get raped by girls in parties, not as big a problems but it happens..

it is such a pity if their first encounter with sex is a horrible experience – something that will take years to overcome and that might ruin the wonderful experience that it can be.

Because sex is great!! Good sex that is! And one thing that comes with age – is the ability to demand good sex – tell what your likes and wants are – and at the same time being able to give the same back…

we are just as different in our likes in sex as in everything else

fiftyshades

Some likes soft and loving sex – some a bit rougher and on the edge sex – some woman cant get a vaginal orgasm – some like oral sex – some dont, some like to dress up – other likes sex-toys, some like a tiny bit of pain – others some more of that, some like to be controlled – others to control, some like to film the act – but you have to have trust to do that…..

And that is my most important issue – you HAVE to trust the one you are having sex with – only then sex is:  GOD SEX!

Of course you shouldn’t talk to everyone about sex, but many couples never talk to each other about this either, if your to believe the statistic….

No one can guess what you like and dont like!! And it can be quite sexy to talk about sex during sex. It will guaranteed be more fulfilling for both when both gets what they want…

But try not to talk about sex as a problem – that will only create performance anxiety.

Dont let sex be a routine is one of the advise the terapeuts gives; play – cuttle and tell about your fantasies. Play along with your partners fantasies as well, it takes a lot of guts to reveal them…. of course you shouldn’t do something that you absolutely dont what to do…. but keep an open mind and the wish to do the best for you lover. You might be pleasantly surprised ❤

«Most terapeuts agrees that sex and physical intimacy is one of the most important glues in a relationship» accordingly couples terapeut Katinka Strøm Lyngroth

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I dont know if I succeeded in creating a good love scene in my book, the Norwegian readers has to be the judge of that – but talking about sex – that I can 🙂

I wish you all a wonderful day – with or without sex!!

❤ ❤ ❤

 

La oss snakke om sex….

nei, la oss ikke det – kan jeg neste høre mine barn gispe… 🙂 (Å lese videre er frivillig )

En kollega av meg hadde misforstått og trodde han skulle begynne å lese siste innlegget av boken; «løvetann og løytnantshjerte»  (Meningen er at man skal begynne å lese fra toppen, men de som har lest en stund venter jo på de neste kapitlene og derfor markere jeg de siste innleggene med blå skrift )

Vel han hoppet rett inn i kapitelet med «heit husmor-sex» som han kalte det..

Stakkars, det var nok en litt brå start på mitt skriveprosjekt og kanskje litt mer enn han ville lese fra en kvinnelig ( noe eldre) kollega…. 🙂

Men vi sykepleier er jo heite da 🙂 Her er en liste jeg fant over hva menn syns er den mest sexy yrkesgruppen:

sykepleier

  1. Sykepleier (41%) 🙂
  2. Flyvertinne/vert (20%)
  3. Bonde (10%)
  4. Lærer (7%)
  5. Lege, politi og advokat (5%)
  6. Snekker (3%)
  7. Brannmann/kvinne (2%)

 

 

Det er ikke lett å snakke om sex…

Og det er heller ikke lett å skrive om det … vanskelig å få ned på papiret de følelsene man ønsker å gi leseren; opphisselsen  og begjæret….

kiss

Jeg er av den oppfatning at enhver bok, film eller historie blir bedre av en heit elskovsscene…. og kjedeligere uten…..

Men hvordan skal man formidle slike følelser til leseren uten at det blir for pornografisk og vulgært?

Jeg har lest bøker og sett filmer hvor det er gjort mesterlig – men også de hvor det bare har vært kleint og pinlig…..

 

supersex

Og hvorfor er sex så pinlig å snakke om?

Jaja……ungdommen ser ikke ut til å syns det er pinlig. Det er tv program og mye på sosiale medier som taler for at de har lett for å snakke om det meste….men jeg vet ikke om de egentlig sier det de mener?  om de faktisk får noe ut av en slik åpenhet eller om de rett og slett spiller en rolle…?

De ser i alle fall ut til å ha grenseløst med sex hvis man skal tro mediebildet- uttrykk som «pulekompis» eller «friends with benefits» var ikke kjente uttrykk i min ungdom… Og jeg er ikke så sikker at dette er en bra ting. Med tanke på hvor usikker ungdommen er – både med tanke på egen kropp og utseende – og et sterkt ønske om å passe inn – så kan man kanskje ende opp å gjøre ting man angrer dypt senere…

Jeg husker mine første møter med sex – jeg var altfor ung og sex var ikke bra for meg før mange år senere. Det var bare noe man skulle gjøre…. og å snakke om hva man faktisk likte og ikke likte? Uaktuelt! Pinlig!

Et annet bekymrings moment er den digitale verden vi lever i nå. Det er snapchat, instagram og video på mobiler. Jeg hørte en historie om en ung jente som var full på fest og gav «blow job» midt i stuen til alles åsyn. Dette ble selvsagt lagt ut på nettet umiddelbart. Hun var borte fra skolen i flere uker.

Det er selvsagt straffbart å legge ut slike ting, men hvor mange anmelder dette? Og filmene forsvinner jo ikke fra nettet når de først er der ute… Et annet moment er at jenten ble sett på som et billig ludder – mens gutten? Not so much…. 😦

Voldtekter ser også ut til å bli et større problem blant ungdom – det som kanskje er nytt er all dopbruken som faktisk kan resultere i at en ung gutt voldtar uten at han egentlig er klar over at det er det han gjør… Hun er for dopet til å si verken ja eller nei – han er for dopet til å forstå… Ingen unnskylding, men et problem som absolutt må adresseres blant ungdom..

Men gutter blir også voldtatt av jenter på fest – det er nok ikke et like stor problem, men det skjer! Les mer om ungdom og voldtekt her:

voldtekt blant ungdom

Det er fryktelig synd hvis disse første møtene med sex skal være en forferdelig opplevelse – noe man strever med i lang tid etterpå og som kanskje ødelegger den fantastiske opplevelsen sex kan være.

For sex er jo fantastisk!! – god sex vel og merke!  Og er det noe man lærer seg med alderen så er det å kreve god sex – fortelle hva man liker og vil ha  – og samtidig være villig til å gi det samme tilbake…

For vi er like forskjellige når det gjelder hva vi liker innen sex som vi er det med alt annet

fiftyshades

Noen liker myk og kjærlig sex – noen litt røffere og på kanten sex, noe kvinner får ikke vaginal orgasme, noen liker oralsex – andre ikke, noen vil kle seg ut – andre vil ha leketøy med, noen liker pittelitt smerte – andre mer av det, noen liker å bli kontrollert – andre å kontrollere, noen liker å filme – men da må man kunne stole på den som gjør det…

Og det er vel det viktigste poenget jeg har – man MÅ stole på den man har sex med – kun da blir sex : GOD SEX!

 

Selvsagt skal man ikke snakke om intime detaljer til gud og hvermann – men mange par snakker ikke om sex med hverandre heller, hvis man skal tro på statistikken….

Ingen kan gjette seg til hva du liker og ikke liker!! Det kan være veldig sexy å snakke under sex og det gjør det garantert bedre for begge parter når man får det man vil ha…..

Men prøv å unngå å snakke om sex som et problem – da får man fort prestasjonsangst og slapper ikke av..

La ikke sex bli for rutinemessig er et av rådene sexterapeuter gir: lek – kos og fortell om dine fantasier.  Vær også med på partnerens fantasier – det krever mye tillit å fortelle om dem……Man skal selvsagt ikke gjøre ting man overhodet ikke har lyst til – men ha et åpent sinn og et ønske om å gjøre den du elsker godt…

«De fleste par-terapeuter er enige om at sex og fysisk nærhet hører med blant de sterkeste «lim» i et parforhold, sier parterapeut Katinka Strøm Lyngroth til Kvinneguiden

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Om jeg har klart å formidle en heit sex scene i min bok, vet jeg ikke….. Det må nesten dere lesere bedømme – men å snakke om sex, det kan jeg 🙂

Ønsker dere en fantastisk torsdag både med og uten sex!

❤ ❤ ❤